Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
