dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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