we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
