I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sober January is a disaster.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
