my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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