I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
