Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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