So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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