Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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