One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
