Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
