Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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