At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
