watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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