He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
