I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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