Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
