But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
