he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
