If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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