and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
