I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
