I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
