yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
