he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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