I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
