Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
