I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
