Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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