new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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