does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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