He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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