"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
