Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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