Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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