If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
