Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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