so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
