I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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