Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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