Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
