How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
