There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
