the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
