everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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