Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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