Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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