who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
