Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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