I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
