I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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